Braves sign Wesley Snipes to replace Mark Kotsay

Just hours after signing the motor vehicle madman, Scott Speizio, the Atlanta Braves have signed Hollywood actor Wesley Snipes to a one year contract. Snipes is best known for his roles in the Goldie Hawn hit comedy "Wildcats," the character "Willie Mays Hayes" in the film "Major League," and as the rival gang leader in Michael Jackson's music video for the song "Bad." Snipes most recently starred in the Blade Trilogy.

While there does not currently appear to be a spot on the Atlanta roster, GM Frank Wren commented on the situation stating, "We know Mark Kotsay is going to go down with an injury sooner rather than later so we thought we had to make a move before someone else signed Wes." Puzzled journalists questioned Wren about the signing of Snipes who has never played for a professional organization. Wren quelled the journalists' fears. "As you know we recently signed Speizio so we were no longer concerned with the public fallout from signing a tax evader . . . well um . . . and alleged tax evader. "Have you ever seen him run? I mean he can really run," stated Wren.

Snipes is unexpectedly available following his acquittal in Federal Court over tax fraud charges.

On February 1, 2008, Snipes was acquitted on the felony count of conspiracy to defraud the government and on the felony count of filing a false claim with the government. He was, however, found guilty on three misdemeanor counts of failing to file Federal income tax returns (and acquitted on three other "failure to file" charges).

Braves Manager Bobby Cox spoke of the talent possessed by Snipes and his role on the team. "Did you see that guy in Major League? He can run like hell and that's something this team sorely needs. We want Wes to be our lead off man now. We know Kotsay has a glass back so we expect Snipes to be able to step in and play center field tomorrow."

While Braves fans may be concerned over the signing of an actor to take over the CF duties Cox assures that while Snipes does still "run like Mays" he no longer "hits like sh!t." Cox further stated that, "while filming 'The Fan' Wes really learned to drive the ball to the opposite field."

Snipes makes the second player the Braves have signed in as many days. Coincidentally both players have had recent run-ins with the law. When asked if this was to become a trend of the organization GM Wren stated that he did not anticipate an increase in convict signings but there is one player he still has on his radar. "There's this kid Ricky Vaughn out of the California Penal League that we're going to keep an eye on."

Snipes is expected to join Speizio in Richmond for the season opener on Thursday. When reached for comment Snipes would only state, "I'm glad the Braves gave me this opportunity. I've got a hell of a bill to pay off over at the IRS."

Following an off day on Tuesday the Braves return to action on Wednesday night for the second game of the series against the Pittsburgh Pirates.